Tuesday, June 30, 2009

These things will change

I use lots of song titles for my blog titles. I have never been one to try and make up something clever on my own when someone else already did a fantastic job of it. I just steal it like a pirate.

The inspiration for this post came about because yesterday was a very girly day. I just broke down. I usually don't lose it (or, as Shana says, I don't talk about my feelings), but yesterday I guess my eyes decided to make sure that the tear ducts were functioning properly. All. freaking. day. Usually, I don't mind shedding a few tears in front of people, but yesterday I was a faucet.

It started with the death of a dream. I have been working towards grad school for years. Many of the things I have done, I did for the sole purpose to help me get into graduate school. Internships, research groups, classes, jobs, and networking... all for gaining a higher degree. But I cannot pass the Physics GRE. Well, I just haven't done it yet, and I do not know if I can.

Yesterday I came to the realization that maybe I'm not supposed to go to graduate school. Maybe school stops for me next April. Maybe I should get another bachelor's degree. Maybe I should keep trying to pass the PhysGRE. Maybe I should go to cooking school. Maybe I should join the circus.

Ultimately, I decided to not think about it right now. My decision is to not make a decision. Emotionally, I'm too close to the problem to figure out a good solution. Spiritually, I actually am learning a lot about trust and faith. Especially trust. And I really really like that. Surprisingly.

Anyway, yesterday all of this came to a head. I have been avoiding dealing with it for so long, that it all finally came out in this big, horrible, mess. I felt like the only thing holding me together was a prayer and sheer force of will.

So, yesterday was a girly day. I needed a guy to hug me and tell me everything would be ok. Even if it isn't true, I needed it very much. But I always hate hate hate asking someone to do that. And it can't be a girl to hug me, because I feel like I make girls feel sad when I am sad, and I don't like that. Guys seem to not be affected, and I really like that.

After a long day, a good friend came, and he helped me. And I was cured. And I didn't even have to ask, because Someone Else already knew, and He likes to take care of me.

I think that somehow everything will be ok. I know there are more days ahead of me where I will need to grieve for the death of this, my most favorite dream ever.... But it will be ok.

"Oh, the power to be strong,

And the wisdom to be wise,

All these things will come to you in time."

Monday, June 22, 2009

Summer Solstice!

Yesterday marked the annual summer solstice. It also happened to land on Father's Day, and I was kind of torn about the fact that I was more excited about the solstice. It happens, I'm a nerd.

Anyway, in order to celebrate I went on a meteorite hunt on saturday with the astronomy and geology clubs. Oh. My. What. A. BLAST!

We went to the middle of nowhere - about an hour south of Delta - to some dry lakebeds called the playa. Meteorites are easier to find there because the lake beds are flat and white, and meteorites tend to be round and black - a very nice stark contrast for our eager little eyes.
In the lakebeds we found other interesting things - scorpion skeletons, beetles, grasshoppers, meteor-wrongs (little rocks like chirt, limestone and even obsidian), and other random things.
Chirt really got me mixed up a lot. I kept thinking that I had found a meteorite, only to discover that it was a boring piece of chirt.
Life is like that sometimes, I guess. All that glitters is not gold, and all that is black and round is not a meteorite.
We searched for a good while, and actually found 2 very good candidates. They passed all the tests that we could do on the spot, and now the teachers are going to send them away to make sure that they are actual meteorites. There are only 13 reported meteorites found in Utah... and we may have found 2 more! SO. EXCITING!
P.S. 2 months, 1 day, 20 hours.

Monday, June 15, 2009

"you quench my heart, you quench my mind."

I don't know why I chose that particular title for my post. It is a total non-sequiter. I just like it a lot.
Anyway, today is the last day of school for me, for the year 2009. It's even more exciting than it sounds, trust me.
2 months, 8 days, 17 hours.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Ode to Calista...and Memorial Day.

Memorial Day weekend marked a new adventure for us! Rather than stay home and watch "House", we were invited to go on a rough-and-tumble hike on Mt. Aire. Talk about beautiful. It was about a 4.5 hour hike, complete with muddy (MUDDY!) trails, gila monsters, beautiful views, fun friends, and blazing-our-own-trail-complete-with-yelps-of-pain fun times. No joke about that last one too. We still have scratches and bruises. :) We took the opportunity to have as much fun as possible. We climbed all over these mountains like little billy goats.
It's fun to be in college. :)
A Hill With a View - it was so pretty up top.

The waterfall by Joe's cabin. Taken by the amazingly talented Bryce Gandy. Nature is awesome.
More nature. I just love this lush, green stuff, ok?
Sarah and me, looking hot. Yes, she's wearing my sweater. I'm wearing Chase's. :)
Bryce, looking like an old man having a heart attack. While laughing. Man, we had so much fun!
Calista and Shana, trying not to fall. Or, they are doing Anne of Green Gables impressions. Hilarious, either way.
If anyone can name the constellation I have in freckles on my face, I will give them a dollar.
Shana, shana, shana.... Yes folks... That's a gila monster on her head. It was actually really cute. :)
All of us, at the top-ish. Pretty, pretty, pretty!

Now for something completely different:
OOOOH CALISTA! She leaves next monday for lake powell/grand canyon/oregon - and leaves ST2 forever...ish. Depression!! what was she thinking? Ok, missions are good things. But I'll still miss my friend. Fearless slayer of bees and spiders, maker of amazing cookies, companion in secret missions, laugh-inducing, brian-regan-quoting champion, goofy-running chica, flower stealing enabler, all around freaking awesome friend. First Idaho, now Russia! Why are you always leaving me?? I'll wave to you when we're in the same hemisphere again.